Raising children is like slowly being pecked to death by a chicken.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
Miles: Where do you live?
Buck: In the city. Miles: You have a house? Buck: Apartment. Miles: Own or rent? Buck: Rent. Miles: What do you do for a living? Buck: Lots of things. Miles: Where's your office? Buck: I don't have one. Miles: How come? Buck: I don't need one. Miles: Where's your wife? Buck: Don't have one. Miles: How come? Buck: It's a long story. Miles: You have kids? Buck: No I don't. Miles: How come? Buck: It's an even longer story. Miles: Are you my Dad's brother? Buck: What's your record for consecutive questions asked? Miles: 38. Buck: I'm your Dad's brother alright. Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad. Buck: How nice of you to notice. Miles: I'm a kid - that's my job.
Lately, talking to Dana feels like a scene out of Uncle Buck.
(trying to watch wizard of oz with Dana. what is he? why does he scare birds? why is he stuck like that? why is he dressed like a lion? does he want to be a lion? are those real birds? cuz they look like toys. why are they afraid of toys? why is she so mean? why did she get hurt by water? why is your eye twitching?
why do the stepsisters and stepmother have to be so mean? why can't they just be nice?
why does the witch curse sleeping beauty? doesn't she want her to live with her mommy and daddy?
why do cats have boobies? Lola has nipples. why aren't they big?
why don't we get to live in that house that's yellow with the flowers and grapes?
why does daddy have to smoke?
why do you have to do the speed limit
what is meat made from?
where do these band aids go? (pointing at an Always ad)
what is a foundation?
why did Jesus say not to build on a bad foundation?
why aren't farts funny? i think they're really funny!
now that we're getting a house, can i have a little sister?
why do mosquitoes suck blood?
can i have a tarantula?
what's a fortune cookie?
are they fun?
She asks them in a lightning fast dizzying speed akin to MacCauley Caulkin and I have no time to answer them or not laugh for some of the more how do i answer this on her level. You tell her an answer and you can see her processing the information like, ok, thanks. and before you can catch your breath here comes another round of the Danish Inquisition.
What would Glynda do?
OH, you have lots of questions .. . click yer damn shoes kid.