Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Psychotic Alarm Clock

Dana swore up and down she wanted an alarm clock for her birthday.  I know this ploy, you know this ploy, but I bought her the alarm clock because it'd be nice for at least one of them to be gently nudged awake by the screaming cacophony that comes at a preset time.  We finally plugged it in for use Sunday night to test drive it before we set it up in her room. 
The next morning, it went off, and we turned it off.  Or so we thought.  To turn the alarm on, you have to push the button to the off position meaning at oh dang it's dark thirty, you'll never get it right.  If it's in on position, it does not go off.  There is NO snooze button.  As it turns out, there is a snooze foot.  The alarm goes off in the "OFF" position until you gently press down on top of the alarm-or as the rest of us do, beat it into oblivion.  One of the feet then depresses gently, rendering the thing silent for another 6 minutes leaving you to wonder why you didn't buy the one brass one with the bells and hammer setup instead.  The only way to truly shut the stupid thing up, is to unplug it. 

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Can we have a garage sale?

Last night, our 7 year old ball of eternal sunshine asked if we could have a garage sale.  Tim looked at me and I looked at our last little, who was the birthday boy that day, to boot.

Yeah baby.  We can talk about it tomorrow.

Today is the tomorrow of that conversation.  He asked me again, if we could have a garage sale.  I asked him what did he want to sell, and from behind his back he pulled his Winnie the Pooh blanket.  He's had it since his first Christmas.  His Grandma Helen sewed it after I knotted it together so it wouldn't come undone.  He has had it with him everywhere we went.

How much do you want for it?  He shrugged his shoulders.  Zero dollars.  For free I asked?  Yeah he nodded.  I tell you what, how about I give this blanket to a family who's gonna have a baby and will want it for their own little boy or girl.  There's a baby at school mom.  Nah, I know a better family.

With that said, he hands over the carefully folded Winnie the Pooh blanket.  The family it's going to doesn't exist yet.  When my littlest little finally lets me know that he and his wife are expecting, this will be the first thing they are given.  This gift isn't coming from me, I'm just the keeper of all things sacred to my children.  This is coming from a 7 year old who decided yesterday that he's to old for snuggy blankets anymore, and that it's time to give them away, to a baby he doesn't even know.

Monday, December 24, 2012

the kids' new (old) video game

Ryan, my sweetheart, my angel, my darling, has DESTROYED everybody in the family so far in Mortal Combat.  Tim says he doesn't know how Ryan does it, they just hooked the game up today and as I type I can hear Ryan screaming, 'Go me, Go me!!" and Tristan screaming, "Stop!!" because Tristan is getting his butt steamrolled with spikes. 

Tristan and Dana both played and lost so Tim's like gimme that, and he got his butt handed to him too.  I watched and tried not to laugh.  Ryan's little fingers go so fast, Tim wasn't able to bust out any moves.  He musta gotten kicked like 40 times and then threw Ryan's character over the wall and through a few ceilings.  Ryan's character stood up and kicked him 3 more times and then Tim's character was dead.

I can't wait til Tim can find Super Mario Brothers, hopefully the original.  

The nice thing about this is that Ryan wants to be a big boy and Tristan is a poor sport so this will allow the 2 to figure that out.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Mommy Daughter Dance

About a month ago, I got a flyer about the Mommy Daughter dance at the kids' school.  YAY! I thought.  I asked Dana if she wanted to get a dress for it.  Yes!  and shoes!!  and then, like I was some sort of sub species lower than the dogs and cat, Dana coldly looked at me and asked, "Can Aunt Ann take me?"
"NO!"  Really?  Not me?  What the hell?
"Why  not?" 
"Cuz she has to work."  Safe bet, she does work a lot of hours.
"How about Grandma Helen?"  She is starting to glare at me like I'm making this up.  I am, but she doesn't need to KNOW that I am.
"She can't dance, she's old and she'd break a hip.  You don't want that."  She'd rather have Grandma, Oxygen tank and all try to dance for 2 hours than mommy?  and I was pretty sure my mom would rather have a root canal than listen to crappy DJ music.
"What about daddy?"  Squinty, wet cat glare now.
"I am taking you to the dance.  Get over it or don't go."
 She stomped off in a huff worthy of a pissed off Hilton who can't fire anybody.

Today was the big day.  She got to get ready in my shower and bedroom and even use perfume and a little lip gloss-ooh la la.  I did her hair and took pictures of her all pretty in the bathroom.  She went out and was fussing at Tim, but he told her nobody cool shows up on time, they arrive fashionably late.  I had said the very same thing as I was trying to blow dry my hair and put socks on at the same time.  She chose my high heeled boots.  Great choice, Dana.  She doesn't need to know that those are what I call bar stool boots, they look good while I'm sitting on a bar stool but not so great when I bust my coccyx on them.  (Tail bone, doughnut pillow, not pretty.)   

We got there halfway through the Cha cha shuffle/electric slide.  I've only been able to do it hammered, 11 years ago, and it was a blast.  I tried to get Dana involved in the slide, not happening. 

Dana just wants to be spun in circles, and she wants to ring around the rosy without singing the song.  She has no use for song directions, and she could care less that her running around me almost had me on my butt, again.  Back and forth we went to the cafeteria, for red fruit punch that tasted burnt with soda, dishes of popcorn and I think she had 3 bags of chips, too. 

She wrote an essay, and while I don't remember the most of it, I do remember the part where she wrote that, 'she liked the free chips.  That was fun.'  She did draw a picture of her and I twirling on the floor with I love mommy written above it. 

At one point, Dana decided we should go dance again.  Out we went.  We were given clear cut instructions on how to do the dance.  Dana didn't follow those directions (it was so simple I can still remember it) and somehow manged to puncture her foot with the heel of my boot. 

Off to the chairs we went, our shoes came off and when she stopped doing her best female William Shatner, we went back on the floor to Hokey Pokey.  We Hokey Pokied (I did, she danced in circles and wanted to be spun around), we Chicken Danced (she did a little, but mostly ran around me in circles), and even took a stab at the Cotton Eyed Joe.  Me and 3 other moms knew the line dance for that, the small children everywhere were moshing and running circles around each other as Dana held onto my hand and wouldn't let go. 

She saw lots of her friends, but didn't go play with any of them.  They danced in circles holding hands and chased certain boys, she had this half irritated look on her face.  Apparently the pack of girls start at an early age, there were tribes of them running all over. 

This dance was like every bad school dance or night at Club Muroc rolled into one, except half the mommies were dressed for clubbing and the other half were there looking like they were ready for bed.  There were children in Christmas Clothes and kids in t-shirts and jeans, classy dresses and tennis shoes and flip flops.  Half of the moms were texting on their cell phone, all looked equally bored. 

The YMCA came on and I tried to show her how, but she wasn't having it.  Spin me momma, spin me.  The Macarena came on and I had to text Tim.  They'd just played Getting Jiggy with it and we adults at the punch table discussed the merits of Will Smith's discography and career in general.  I'm teasin', somebody said he should have stuck to music and I said yes it was a tragedy that we didn't have more profound lyrics like these.  With as much sarcasm as I could politely muster. 

At the end of the night I told her/forced her to go tell her friends goodbye.  She wanted to show her friend Shelby how the door slid open with a button.  She then told me she had fun and thank you mommy.

I'm now going to listen to quality music before Everyday I be shufflin ... is in my head for the next week.  

Friday, July 6, 2012

Busy Busy Busy 4th of July Week

This week has been a really busy week, I haven't had time other than to share a few pics here and there.

Sunday night I went with my best friend since 5th grade Aimee Dreps Krueger to see Magic Mike.  =)   It was so great to see her again.  Like most vacations, hers was booked to the hilt so I'm glad I got to squeeze some time in awe of Channing Tatum's dance moves.

Tim mowed the lawn and found a dandelion as tall as a 2 liter bottle of coke and made me take pictures.

Dana and Ryan discovered a LARGE bottle of Goldbond medicated powder and promptly spilled it all over the floor to slide back and forth.  Amused I was not.  After my feet became kinda tingly while trying to sweep it up, I used the Dyson to vacuum the rest up.

Dana FINALLY planted her Forget Me Nots so now she'll stop pestering me about them.

Fourth of July was spent at my Aunt Marilyn's north of Bear Butte.  My Aunt Sandy, Darlys, Kathy and Karin were there.  So was Uncle Newell, I've always just called him Newell but he's been a part of the family since before I knew any different.  Jerry and Jackie Falch (Grandma Lowe's sister Inez's grandson) and their kids and grandkids were there so there were lots of cousins for my 3 to play with.  Somebody busted out a bag of waterguns and that had the kids happy for hours.  Uncle Carl took all 3 on the 4 wheeler at once, Dana and Ryan had a blast but Tristan hates speed and circles.  Both mom and I forgot our cameras, so I didn't get pictures of the 5 sisters, there is a reunion later this month so I'll be sure to do it then =)

No fireworks this year, Pennington County banned them with all the fires going on, I think at last count there were over 70 in the United States.  We lost a C-130 south of here trying to drop flame retardant on the White Draw fire near Edgemont(?) and lost 4 of the 6 man crew.  They were North Carolina National Guardsmen, and I felt hollow for days.

I spent yesterday rescuing and relocating a baby bunny from our basement window and then covering them with gardening wire to keep the poor thing from falling in again.  This is the same bunny that we rescued from the neighbor's window with the help of animal control a month ago.  The poor thing was barely bigger than my hand, he lay quietly as the kids all looked at him.  He had a little bit of blood, but falling 6 feet onto rocks will do that.  I turned him loose out behind the fence.  There's a rabbit hole back there and Nietzsche proudly prances back and forth as he patrols the perimeter.

Nietzsche got to meet Ann's new puppy Ares, and he was pleasant and seemed to understand that Ares was a baby.  He was real sweet with him anyway, and I think he was happy that it wasn't another damn cat.

Lola is and WILL be the last cat we EVER get.  I didn't want her, she showed up and Tim and Dana kept her.  I'm the one that gets stuck cleaning her litter box and washing the kids clothes when it's been 3 days instead of 2.  As if I don't have enough laundry to do?  LAST CAT EV-ER!!!!

Tim took one look at my face today and the next thing I know, we were on our way out of town.  We ended up at Old MacDonald's Farm, the entire place is a petting zoo.  The chickens and roosters and turkeys all run free and then the other animals are penned up, but you can go in and pet them if you want. At one point I realized I was being licked, apparently the Goat liked my pumpkin spice lotion.  The kids climbed on everything they could climb on and Ryan and Dana rode the ponies at the pony ride.  We got to watch the pig races and Barbecue was the winner.  He won a drink of grape koolaid.

 We headed down 16 to Keystone so that Tim could get the Best. Fudge. ANYWHERE.  We didn't go to that store though, (I KNOW!!  I TRIED!!) instead we parked and he bought good fudge at another store.  We were going to go over to the Taffy store and watch the machine pulling the taffy but a man with a 15 foot long black snake whip came out instead.  He cracked the thing numerous times, it was all for the 'gun fight' they were going to have at one of the saloons.  I got pictures of him instead.

This week was a really great week literary wise, I've been reading the kids 'Farmer Boy' by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  Farmer Boy is about her husband when he was between the ages of 8 and 10.  This week they got to learn the Star Spangled Banner ~Happy Late 4th, by the way~, and see Belgian Horses, see buggies that get hitched up to horses or ponies, see what a black snake whip looks like, and see taffy as it's made.  Everything that they did in the book, my kids got to see in person this week, and the understanding on their faces when I explained about remember when they saw the horse that could probably pull a barn and the whip the teacher used? was worth it.

The 3 were arguing so much one day I made them go outside and pull as much creeping Jenny as they possibly could while I sat on the step and read 2 -yes, two- chapters from the book.

Dana has helped me with a project that I'm doing, and I in turn introduced her to melted crayon art.  By using a hot glue gun and running the crayons through, she can 'draw' on the paper on her easel at will.  If you push the crayon to hard it squirts though, and if doing it on an easel versus a flat surface you should leave something underneath to prevent drippage.  I also recommend using your light colors first, or running a white crayon through in between.

MercyMe will be playing the Hills Alive Music Fest in a few weeks, and I'm so excited about it that I have no words.  I volunteered to make balloon animals, paint faces and make bracelets so that I can be there during the festival.  I can make dogs, poodles, giraffes, dinosaurs, swords/crosses, hats, flowers, giraffes, mice and gerbils.  ;)  it helps when you have an air pump, lol.

Thank you as always for reading down this far.
Love Aims

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Pedro Von Doofenshmirtz

Last night after several days of heated intense Jerry Springer style arguing, Tim kicked me out of the house.  Not for good, but long enough that I could do whatever I wanted.

Go.  Just GO.  

I don't have anywhere I wanna go.


I don't have any money.

He threw money and van keys at me.  The kids will be alright without you.  GO.

I headed towards my mom's house.  My best friend is living with her until mom goes to MN to live in an assisted living facility.

You guys hungry?  Yeah.  Where do you wanna go?  I don't know.  I don't care.  Mom speaks up, I want Barbecue.  Barbecue it was.  We giggled and laughed and giggled some more.  Wanna go shopping?  Yeah.  We ended up at a store that Mom hadn't been too yet.

We slowly made our way through gorgeous purses and pretty bikini sets and I announced I was going to go look for a giant 6 foot tall giraffe.  To which they laughed.

I told them how a few months earlier I had been in this store and found a similar giraffe and Tim quickly said all the purchases were rung up and then shoved his card into his wallet, like it couldn't be used again or something.  psssht.  As IF!

They've known about Beyonce for quite some time now.  I tried to read it over the phone to mom and was laughing so hard I was choking so I just re posted the blog about perspective from The Bloggess and we all giggled.  and giggled.  tears ran down my face and my mom's leg.  and we giggled some more. 

While closing on our house house I was determined to find Solange for our front yard.  We don't have a Home Owner's Association, something I told our realtor was a DEAL BREAKER because I wanted to be able to have a Solange on our front yard.  He had this calm/alarmed look on his face but he found us our house and now prays that none of his other clients read The Bloggess.

Yet, somehow I was more and more guided towards giraffes and flamingos.  

Behold, I found thy Giraffe. 

Isn't he Glorious?

Isn't he Beautiful?  He just seems to say, "LOVE me if you dare.

He was chosen above all others because he was eye to eye level with me.  The other 3 left behind, well 2 were happy he'd been chosen but the one up front was all stuck up looking.  Like, I can't believe you picked HIM. I even asked Mom and Ann if the front giraffe was stuck up looking or not.  Because it had this sneer on it's face but the ones behind him were happy.  They must have just told him that Pedro had a home now and they didn't.  Nanner nanner nanner.  Ann tried to change his position, but even then, he was pretty hoity toity.  "I can't BELIEVE you had the AUDACITY to pick PEDRO over me." 

We posed with Pedro, and we kissed him and told him he was a good giraffe because all giraffes want to hear that you know.  Pedro was quite the gentleman, he carried my bags AND my purse out to the van, where I gently seat belted him into the back of the van. 

I started to back out when I looked at Ann and Mom and asked, "Do you want me to take you home first, or should we drop Pedro off first?"  Two beaming delighted faces met mine.  "Drop off dear Pedro!!"

We drove past our house so the dogs wouldn't alert Tim and pulled into the neighbor's driveway. Ann was going to drive in front of my house to see Tim's reaction.  I snuck up the porch with Pedro (which was hard to do cuz I was sure my dog would bark and it's harder to maneuver a 6 foot tall giraffe than you think).  I stood him in front of the door and rang the door bell.  Having no place to hide, i dropped down and tried to flatten myself against the wall.  I saw the curtains open, and then a hand pressed against the glass, and Tim's face against that.

He said he could see me on the deck trying to flatten myself to the wall-and NOT laugh-and when he looked up he was eye to eye with a giant metal giraffe.  A pink Metal Giraffe.

I told him his name was Pedro. 

He asked me with this confused 'Dear Lord help me" look on his face, "The giraffe is Mexican?" and i was all "His name is Pedro Von Doofenshmirtz, He's South Afrikaans, DUH."

"At least it's not a giant metal rooster," he said. "I'd have been more pissed if it had been a rooster."

I'm saving that for a future time when I feel he needs MORE perspective.  I know a guy who specializes in giant roosters.  I shall see if they'll deliver.  lol.

I dedicate this post to Mom, Ann, and Jenny the Bloggess.  Thank you.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

at 330 a.m.

at 3 a.m. most people sleep.  they're tucked into their beds, covered in their blankets, snuggled up in dream land.  maybe the family dog or cat is curled up somewhere on the bed with them, making it cozier.

not my kids.  i laid in bed listening to the whispers and giggles of children who are up earlier than God intended from their bedroom as they planned out a pizza party.

i laid there and tried to fight the adult, parental  (hey, did you notice paternal and parental use the same letters?  yet parental usually infers mother while paternal is fatherly or father?  weird...)  need to get up and bring order to what would end up chaos.  hot chocolate powder all over the counters, table and kitchen.  Nutjob running back and forth cuz he wants to eat the cat but she's not cooperating.  Tim snoring like a damn buzz saw 3 inches away from my face.  cold pizza for breakfast (acceptable) in their bedroom (not acceptable) while sitting in their beds.  forget the parenthesis, oh HEEEEEEEELLLLLL no!

now they are all 3 dressed.  wet bed clothes and bedding in the laundry room.  laundry machines going.  brain not functioning.  yup.  normal morning.

now, some will ask, WHY DO YOUR KIDS GET UP BEFORE GOD!!!?!???  are you putting them to bed to early!?

No.  They're laid down around 7 ish and usually asleep by 8.  8-4 is 8 hours.  6 a.m. is 10 hours and optimal.  Ryan was still awake at about 10 so he ended up sleeping in my room for awhile.  which means he got 5 hours of sleep.  wonderful.  that means i, also, got 5 hours of sleep.  this will be a long day.

the kids are watching Shrek 2 while sitting on the couch cuddled up with blankets.  

in other news, mom came home from the hospital =).  I dropped off Harry Potter, (Tim named him that, he's scrawny, doesn't do much, has a scar on his head, I like him but Tim was hoping Voldemort aka Nietzsche would eat him) grabbed an air tank and went to pick up mom.

he's bigger than this now, but you get the idea

6 hours later, we've gone to 3 different places to get her prescriptions filled.  i ended up coming home and let Tim finish up the running around.

it's been a long 2 weeks.  I'm sorry i spammed everybody with updates on mom.  she had 6 different doctors and 3 room changes.  nobody gave any one of us the same update twice.  they decided that she had tuberculosis based on a cough and nothing else.  they tested her for everything but pregnancy.  and lupus, cuz it's NEVER lupus.  i watched 3 episodes of House and knew that much
5 days after Tim suggested that it could be fungal instead of bacterial ( because the antibiotics weren't working and she was getting worse) they FINALLY put her on steroids and had the balls to be amazed that they worked!

aunt June and uncle ken came in late Saturday night to see mom.  they visited with her Sunday and then left early Monday morning.  but they got to see the ridiculousness that is the doctors out here and understand why one day she was better and the next she was on death's door.

her dr. said that because of the steroids they put her on that her sugar levels would fluctuate so she's on insulin until after she's weaned off the steroids.  and the doctor said no driving for a month.  

this post has as much energy as i do, but mom's home and resting up and the kids are wide awake.  I'm going to make coffee and pray for mercy from puss n' boots.  my yawn love here.